Pipe Cleaner Theatre
by Coshie
Summary: Your favorite Naruto characters, made out of pipe cleaners.  Shino plus Giant Foot equals awesome lack of plot line!  Action, Adventure, and one very hyper Gaara.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Like I had to tell you that…

A/N: Well, I owe a good bit of this story to Labbess, as she helped a lot with the plot. Oh, you want to know why it's called "Pipe Cleaner Theatre"? Well, that's because Labbess created a bunch of the Naruto cast out of pipe cleaners, and we were messing around with them, and POOF! The plot (or lack thereof) fell into place. So…here's the story! Congratulations, by the way, if you can understand what's going on and follow it.

Note on the characters in here: as given when writing humor, everyone's kind of OOC, but you'll get over it. Oh, I guess I should also say that there are hints of a couple pairings, listed here: KibaHina, ShikaTem, InoSasu, SakuLee, ShikaIno, NejiTen. So feel free to make of everything what you so please. If you think one line points to "NaruTen", then fine. It does. I'm not going to argue it. However, know that Labbess put the KibaHina fluff in here. So there're more than "hints" of that.

Oh, there's also a lot of "MEANWHILE"s in this story (since there are so many characters to follow), so it gets a little confusing.

**One**

The sun was shining over Konoha, and everyone was _not_ at the ramen shack eating ramen. No, they were doing activities that had nothing to _do_ with ramen. Ino and Tenten were shopping in a mall precariously perched on a cliff; team 8 was enjoying themselves by taking a nice relaxing dip in a hot tub that was slowly revolving (well, Kiba, Hinata, and Akamaru were anyway. Shino was…being Shino. He was collecting bugs or something else Shino-like); team 7 was near the cliff, doing separate activities – Sasuke was meditating on a hill, Sakura was at the bottom, watching him, and Naruto was sitting a little way away from her, watching her and eating ramen (okay, I lied. Naruto is doing an activity that has to do with ramen); Neji was training and/or watching birds in a clearing while Rock Lee ran in circles around him (don't ask me why, because that's just what Lee does), unintentionally creating a ditch; Shikamaru was…sleeping, undisturbed; and Chouji was not…around. And the Sand Siblings were in Suna, minding their own business, training.

That morning had moved particularly slowly, and because everyone wanted both their day and the plot to pick up…

**PUNT**! Suddenly, Shino went flying as a giant foot came from the heavens and punted him across Konoha.

MEANWHILE

"He's just so wonderful," Sakura sighed, staring up at Sasuke.

"Why don't you pay attention to _me_, Sakura-chan?" Naruto whined.

"Because I don't like you," she said simply and matter-of-factly.

Suddenly, something rather heavy landed with a SPLAT kind of sound near Sakura.

"**GAH**!" she shouted, jumping up. Sasuke was unbothered.

Naruto leaned closer to the object that had fallen from the sky. Upon closer inspection, it was their fellow genin, Shino.

Naruto poked him.

"NARUTO! STOP THAT!" Sakura berated him, slapping his hand. She leaned closer.

"**Uuuuuuhhhhhh**," Shino let out an almighty groan.

Sakura shrieked, leaping away.

Naruto poked him again.

"**Uuuuhhh**," Shino groaned again.

"He's dying," Naruto decided suddenly. He glanced up at Sakura, then began poking Shino again.

Sakura leaned down again. Gently, she poked him. Then with more fervor. Then again. And again. And again and again and again, just like Naruto was doing.

"**Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh**."

MEANWHILE

Neji struck out at an imaginary enemy again. He stepped back and shook his head, displeased with the attack. He did it again, but was once more unsatisfied. He tried again.

"Neji!" Rock Lee said suddenly, stopping where he was, his ears perking up. "I think I hear my dearest Sakura-chan screaming! I must help her!"

"All right, Lee," Neji growled, his form faltering for a moment.

Without another thought, Lee took off, racing across Konoha.

MEANWHILE

"So, isn't Sasuke, like, the cutest?" Tenten said in a rather high-pitched voice, giggling girlishly.

"Ha ha, totally!" Ino agreed, matching the giggle.

"I, like, only wish I could, like, date him, though," Tenten said, still smiling.

"I know. Join the club, girl," Ino nodded, also smiling.

"He's just, like sooo—" Tenten coughed. "Look, Ino," she said, her voice returning to its normal pitch, "I'm really sorry, but I can't replace Sakura for you."

Ino sighed. "I guess you're right," she said, dropping the fake smile and speaking normally again. "You don't have to pretend to be her anymore."

"Thanks," Tenten smiled at her. "Anyway, we're supposed to be shopping, aren't we?" she said, pointing to a store. "Come on; let's see what they have in – WHOA!"

Tenten threw her arms out as she tripped on a rock, trying to stop herself from falling, but her actions were in vain. She fell – right off the edge of the cliff.

SHOCK! "TENTEN!" Ino shouted down, off the edge as her shopping-partner landed. "ARE YOU OKAY?"

"I'm fine…" came the muffled answered from below. "I only broke five ribs…"

ANOTHER SHOCK! "Are you sure you're okay?" Ino shouted back down, worriedly.

"Fine…" Tenten called back up. "Lee runs into me all the time…this is nothing…"

"Oh, all right then," Ino said, shrugging and smiling as she spotted a purse in a store window. "I'll see you later, then—"

"Medic-nin," Tenten managed to call back up.

"Oh, all right," Ino said, her face falling. "I'll send help." She started walking towards the clinic in the mall…but darted sideways into a store. "Tenten won't mind if I buy just a couple things…" she said, smiling.

MEANWHILE

"Ha ha, isn't this great, Hinata-chan?" Kiba asked, leaning back in the hot tub and smiling up at the sky.

"Um, um, Kiba-kun…?" Hinata said timidly.

"Yeah?" Kiba asked, looking over at her with a smile.

"Um…Akamaru, he's…" She pointed down at the water where a white dog was at the bottom of the hot tub, looking up at them.

SHOCK! "AKAMARU!" Kiba shouted, jumping up. He, unfortunately, fell backwards over the edge and his head hit the control box. The revolving hot tub began to spin faster…and faster…and faster…

"K-Kiba-kun!" Hinata called, holding on for dear life as the hot tub began spinning at its top speed.

Regrettably, the plea for help was unheard by Kiba, as he was now unconscious. And Akamaru was drowning.

MEANWHILE

Poke. Poke poke. Poke poke poke poke poke po—

"SAKURA-CHAN!"

"YAH!" Sakura shouted again, leaping a foot in the air. "Lee…?"

"I heard your cry for help!" he said, bending down and taking her hands in his. "Is there anything I can do to help you, my dear Sakura-chan?" he asked earnestly.

Then he saw Shino.

"**Uuuuuhhhhh**."

"Yes," Sakura said suddenly, answering Lee's previous question. "Yes, you can help."

"Anything, Sakura-chan, anything!" Lee said.

"You can take Shino…to the hospital!" she smiled at him.

"RIGHT AWAY!" he shouted, jumping up and lifting Shino.

"**Uuuuhhhh**."

Lee then took of sprinting to the left.

Sakura sighed. "Five, four, three, two, one…"

"SAKURA-CHAN!"

"Yes, Lee?" the pink-haired kunoichi asked him sweetly.

"The hospital wasn't over there!"

"That direction, Lee," Sakura smiled, pointing to their right.

MEANWHILE

_Sweet silence_, Sasuke thought, sighing gratefully. It had been a while since he had heard nothing except the forest creatures rustling in the bushes, the birds singing…and Sakura screaming.

He winced. _I thought too soon_, he realized. But this is why he was here. He crossed his legs and closed his eyes. He looked to be in a rather uncomfortable position, but who are we to question him? He began meditating…again.

Hard as he tried, though, he could still hear loud voices coming from the bottom of the hill. _Don't turn around, don't turn around_, he told himself. _Just…ignore them. They're just…arguing. Don't turn aro—_

Not listening to his conscience, he turned to see what the commotion was, despite the fact that it seemed to have gone away. Sadly, his uncomfortable position was forgotten. He began to tumble down the hill. Try as he could to stop himself, he eventually hit a rock and was knocked unconscious.

With another SPLAT kind of sound, another body landed near Sakura.

"**SASUKE-KUN**!" she shouted, and then keeled over from shock.

Naruto, getting bored, moved over to the other body and began poking it, not realizing Sakura had fainted.

MEANWHILE

Neji sighed. He just couldn't get the move perfect. He had been practicing for hours (not true – it had only been twenty minutes) and still hadn't accomplished much (not true – he had basically mastered the move). He shook his head and decided to go home for some chilled noodles.

"I'll try again tomo—WHOA!" Not watching where he was going, he tripped into the ditch that Lee had unintentionally created while running in circles. He landed on his back and was left staring up at the sky.

"Dangit," he muttered as he tried to get up. For some reason, he couldn't.

"Is anyone out there?" he called helplessly. "Anyone at all?"

_**And yet, in all the chaos, there is still one in Konoha who has been able to remain calm throughout all of this…**_

Shikamaru turned on his side, and continued sleeping in the clearing. He hadn't heard any of the screams from the nearby hill, nor had he heard anything from the nearby cliff and shopping mall. Well, that's what he wants us to believe, anyway. After all…why should he help them? It is all much too troublesome…

**End of chapter one**

Will Tenten ever be saved from the bottom of that Cliff of Doom? Will Kiba wake up in time to save Hinata from her spinning fate? Exactly how long has Akamaru been drowning and hasn't yet died? What will become of the two-thirds of Team 7 who are unconscious? Why doesn't Shino talk, and only moan? Will Neji ever get out of that ditch? What is Shikamaru dreaming about? And what _are_ the Sand Siblings doing in all this? The answers to all these questions (not really) and more (not really) coming next chapter!

(Now review. If you don't…then the next chapter isn't coming.)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Owning Naruto is something I don't take part in

A/N: Dude. Been ages. But I'm back. And with a brand new PIPE CLEANER THEATRE chapter!  
Again, many more "MEANWHILE"s. I'm guessing you managed with the first chapter (since you came back) so you can deal with it this chapter too. Or perhaps you are still stuck in the maze of "MEANWHILE"s in chapter one, I'm and just imagining your presence? Either way, enjoy!

**Two**

"**Uuuuuhhhhh**."

"You are welcome!" Rock Lee answered Shino's groan.

"**Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh**."

But Lee was gone, sprinting back across Konoha to Sakura. Shino sighed inwardly. The first thing he couldn't understand is why this hospital wasn't swarming with medic-nin. The second thing he couldn't understand was…why was he in a crevice?

MEANWHILE

SHOCK! "Sakura-chan!"

Sakura and Naruto froze and looked over at Lee, who had reappeared from his trip to the hospital.

"_What_ are you doing with him?"

Sakura looked around as if searching for an answer to why she was in this position with Naruto.

"I mean, everyone knows Naruto can't waltz!"

Sakura roughly dropped Naruto, who crumpled, pouting, "I can too waltz."

"Well, you were taking too long," Sakura shrugged. "We needed some way to pass the time. So we started waltzing!"

Lee glanced around, and with another SHOCK realized there was a body at their feet.

"Is that…Sasuke??" he asked, staring, surprised, at the body that was Sasuke.

"Oh, he was meditating and rolled down the hill unconscious," Sakura explained calmly. She paused. "I-I mean…SASUKE-KUN!"

"Sakura-chan," Naruto whined, completely ignoring the Sasuke at their feet. "We need to finish our dance!"

Suddenly, Lee turned to Naruto. "I challenge you to a dance-off for Sakura-chan's love!"

Naruto blinked at him.

Lee took this as an "okay" and began dancing to some music that somehow started up, though there was no boom box around.

When he finished his dance, Naruto blinked again.

"It is your turn!" Lee told him.

Naruto shrugged, figuring, "What harm could this do?" (or something along those lines, anyway) and began dancing to more, different music.

When he finished, Lee scathingly considered him before—

**PUNT**! Naruto went flying across Konoha.

"Lee!" Sakura chided angrily. "What did you do that for?"

"Naruto cannot dance!"

MEANWHILE

"Ow…my ribs…" Tenten muttered, even though no one was around to hear her. "Ooh…why does this always happen to me?"

THUD!

Tenten lifted her head to see what had landed across from her. She saw the bright day-glo orange outfit that could only belong to one person in all of Konoha.

"Naruto?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"

Naruto had landed on his back, and was staring up at the sky. Apparently, he hadn't heard Tenten. "COOL!" he said. "LOOK! A BIRD!"

Tenten gave a strangled sort of sigh, letting her head once again hit the ground.

MEANWHILE

Ino smiled happily to herself. She had bought a brand new purse, two new pairs of shoes, and a really cute blouse and skirt. She paused for a second, as if she forgot something. After a minute of considering, she decided she hadn't and continued walking happily away from the mall, carrying her purchases in a couple bright pink bags.

Humming happily to herself, she began walking down a hill. _I wonder what Sasuke's doing_, she thought absentmindedly.

No sooner had the thought been completed had she reached the bottom of the hill, an arguing Lee and Sakura, and a Sasuke body at her feet.

She dropped her bags and fell to her knees next to the Sasuke who was lying motionless at her feet. "SASUKE-KUN!"

This attracted the arguing pair's attention. They turned towards her.

"Ino! What are you doing here?" Sakura demanded.

"I was shopping, but—" she motioned to the body. "WHAT IS HE DOING HERE, UNCONSCIOUS?"

"He was meditating and rolled down the hill!"

"Why isn't he at the hospital?"

"I was just going to take him there," Sakura said as if ending the matter.

"I'll take him, since you two haven't accomplished _anything_," Ino said, lifting Sasuke's limp form into her arms and standing up.

Sakura opened her mouth to protest at why Ino got to carry him, but Lee cut her off.

"Great idea! I will travel at top speed to assure we get there quickly!" Lee said, grabbing Sakura's hand. "Off we go!"

Ino blinked, and they were gone, flying across Konoha. She blinked again. After a slight hesitation, she sighed and started walking, albeit a much slower pace than normal, as the Sasuke body was weighing her down.

AT THE HOSPITAL

"Lee, you idiot!" Sakura shouted, smacking him. "Sure, _we_ got here quickly, but what about Ino and _Sasuke_? Wasn't the whole point to get _him_ here quickly?"

Lee thought about this, but before he could respond, Sakura was going at it again.

"I _demand_ that you go back there and bring Sasuke here."

"But he is my rival," Lee said simply.

"Then bring _Ino_ here, who happens to be _carrying_ Sasuke," Sakura said slowly and clearly.

"But she is _your_ rival," Lee pointed out. "That would be betraying you, Sakura-chan!"

"AGH! NEVERMIND!" Sakura shouted in defeat, sitting on the ground and crossing her arms stubbornly. "We'll wait here!"

"**Uuuuuhhhhh**."

MEANWHILE

"Hello? Anyone? Please?"

Neji exhaled slowly, calming himself. "Why is it that this always seems to happen to me?" he asked himself. "First I get stuck on a team with Lee…. Now I'm stuck in a ditch caused by Lee…. What next?"

MEANWHILE

Zzzzzz…. Shikamaru yawned widely and blinked tiredly up at the trees. Then, deciding that it would be much too troublesome to get up, he rolled over and fell back asleep.

MEANWHILE

Ino sighed in a frustrated manner, once again adjusting Sasuke in her arms. He was heavier than she had thought he would be. He was hampering her progress more than one could begin to fathom.

She straightened up and silently berated herself. _Don't think that about Sasuke_, she thought.

She saw the hospital in the distance. Something about it wasn't quite right, but she couldn't put her finger on it.

As the hospital came closer – er, as she walked closer to the hospital, she came upon team 8 (well, three-fourths of team 8). Hinata was in a spinning hot tub, and Kiba was unconscious. And Akamaru was drowning.

"Hinata?" Ino questioned, coming to a stop near her fellow kunoichi.

"Ino…san…!" Hinata was saying as she passed Ino at high speeds.

"What's going on?" Ino asked.

"Kiba…is…uncon…scious…and…I'm…getting…dizzy!" Hinata explained, each time she passed Ino.

"Um…" Ino thought for a while. "I'd love to help," she decided eventually, "but I'm bringing Sasuke to the hospital."

"Kiba…kun…can…you…wake…him?" Hinata asked.

Ino thought that this was a pretty good idea, so she walked over to Kiba. "Hey, Kiba?" she tried, but to no avail. "KIBA!" she shouted. Still no response.

"Agh, wake up!" Ino yelled, frustrated. She kicked out at him.

**PUNT**! Kiba went flying.

There was silence.

"Oops," Ino said eventually, rather unbothered. "Guess I don't know my own strength." And she continued on, impassive, towards the hospital.

Hinata was left getting dizzy. And Akamaru was drowning.

MEANWHILE

"…So that's why I've decided to write an autobiography," Kankuro finished.

"Well, that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard," Temari said, polishing her fan. "Why would you want to write an autobiography?"

"Weren't you listening?" Kankuro sighed. "First, I'm doing it because—"

THUD!

Temari jumped a little, surprised, as a rather heavy _something_ landed next to her. Upon closer inspection, the "something" was in fact, a Konoha shinobi.

"What's that?" Gaara asked, randomly appearing.

"Konoha," Temari said, pointing to the boy's headband.

They all stared at him for a while.

"Well," Temari said after a while, standing up. "I guess I'm taking him back to Konoha."

"Why?" Kankuro asked.

"Because you, Kankuro, will just get distracted. And Gaara…just, no."

"But I wanna go!" Gaara whined.

"You know what, Gaara?" Temari said, looking at him happily. "There are some cookies inside. Why don't you—?"

"COOKIES!" Gaara shouted, cutting Temari off and rushing inside.

She sighed. "Watch him, will you?" she asked Kankuro, who ignored her, as he was getting himself distracted.

After a last look at her home in Suna, she lifted the Konoha shinobi over her shoulder and began walking towards Konoha.

**End of chapter two**

Why is Neji still in the ditch? Is Ino really so strong that she can punt Kiba all the way to Suna? What is Kankuro distracted with? Can Shikamaru _really_ sleep through all of this? What are Sakura and Lee doing? Why is Shino in a crevice? Will Hinata and Akamaru be saved from their spinning, watery fate? Answers to (not) all of these questions and (not) more, coming next chapter!

(Review, as always. Next chapter coming soon! ...Enough.)


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